Have you ever noticed that common sense is rather uncommon?
When it comes to romantic relationships, this is doubly true.
Because only in romantic relationships do we live with someone who knows exactly how to trigger us and drive us crazy…
…and when we’re triggered, all our common sense goes out the window.
WE ALL BECOME STUPID WHEN TRIGGERED…
We get triggered when our brain perceives a threat to our survival, then sounds an internal red alert and goes into “Fight or Flee” mode.
When this happens, our blood flows into our limbs so that we have more oxygen available in our arms and legs to fight or run for our lives.
Without as much oxygen left to power our brain, and because our “Fight or Flee” mechanism literally shuts off our logical thinking centers, we literally become stupid when we’re triggered.
DON’T MAKE IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP DECISIONS WHEN TRIGGERED…
…because when you’re triggered, your brain is on red alert to attack or retreat, not to think rationally and feel into your heart.
Have you ever said something to your mate that you knew was going to cause World War 3 and hurt them, but just couldn’t help saying it?
The reason you couldn’t help saying it is because you were triggered, your brain perceived a threat and automatically attacked.
The problem is that later on when you calm down, you may have said or done something that is difficult to take back.
And that’s why I recommend (in my online couples training program) that you never made an important relationship decision unless your both feeling safely connected to each other.
Only then can you be guaranteed that both of you are not in “Fight or Flee” mode are using your heart to complement your head in whatever choices need to be made.
This is especially true of decisions about leaving or staying.
When your relationship is stuck in the Power Struggle stage, it’s understandable that you might think of leaving. When you’re triggered, you might even threaten to leave.
Threatening to leave your relationship in the midst of conflict is the most damaging thing you can do to you and your partner’s sense of safe connection.
Once you threaten to leave, you pull the safety net out from underneath your relationship… and all the trust that you invested months or years building can be lost in an instant.
Just don’t do it.
HERE’S A RULE OF THUMB TO LOVE BY…
Connect First, Decide Later
Before making any important decisions as a couple or talking about a relationship issue, make sure that you connect emotionally first.
This way, you’ll feel close to each other and your partner won’t perceive a threat and defensively need to protect themselves.
Besides, decisions made during moments of stress or fear have a habit of not turning out well.