A relationship coach and online relationship coaching can...

That all depends on your situation. There’s no one size fits all answer.

If you’ve completed my Love At First Fight coaching program, you may only need one session.

If your relationship is generally in good shape, but you’re struggling to get on the same page, you may only need one session.

If your relationship feels rocky (i.e unsafe) or you’ve suffered an affair, I recommend at least 2 sessions and completing the Love At First Fight coaching program.

If you’re still unsure about how many sessions you need, please contact me here and tell me a little about your situation and I'll assess how many sessions you might need.

Yes.

I’ve found that many people feel more comfortable opening up emotionally when they cannot see the person they are talking with.

Being vulnerable face to face with a stranger can feel awkward and scary (especially for men). Working over the phone eliminates this obstacle and can actually speed our work up.

It also has other advantages, like being able to work together even when one of you is travelling. You can be in separate locations and both dial into our private conference line.

I’ve developed some creative ways of using you both as my eyes, when all I have (on the phone) is ears. I’ve noticed absolutely no difference in results working over the phone vs. working in person.

MARRIAGE THERAPY

Conventional marriage therapy treats pathologies. The marriage therapist assumes that his/her patients have individual issues that need fixing. The assumption is that once each person is ‘fixed’, they will be able to come together and have a successful relationship. Not surprisingly, conventional marriage therapy has a higher failure rate than success rate.

ONLINE RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING

Online relationship counseling tends to offer advice, rather than therapy. Most counselors have had some level of training, sometimes from a church, religious institution or government organization.

ONLINE RELATIONSHIP COACHING

Relationship coaching provides accountability, tools, and feedback to the couple about how their behavior affects the other person. It is the newest of the three. Anyone can call themselves a relationship coach without having received any formal training.

WHAT I DO

I’m not a therapist. I’m not a counselor. I’m not a life-coach. I do work online and I sometimes refer to myself as a counselor or coach because the couples I work with understand what that means.

Here’s how my approach differs from marriage therapy or relationship counseling:

1. I DON’T FOCUS ON FIXING YOU

Instead, I focus on your relationship.

I treat your relationship as a system – a living organism made up of two people.

Like any living organism, it has basic survival needs. When these needs are not met, the relationship gets into trouble. When these needs are met, the relationship feels secure and both individuals report feeling close, safe and happy together.

So, I work to help you heal old hurt and collaborate to meet the needs of your relationship or marriage (like parents collaborate to meet a child’s needs).

2. I MAKE YOU THE EXPERT

The second way that my approach is different is that I believe that most people don’t need therapy, they need education and training.

Just like you’d be dangerous on the roads if you’d never passed a driving test, so most of us are dangerous to our relationship… not intentionally, but because we never received education and training in how to ‘drive’ our relationship.

Unlike many therapists who get their degree and never study again, I live, breathe and eat relationship research. It’s my passion.

So, if we work together, I’ll end up teaching you some truly life-altering distinctions, tools and strategies for repairing your relationship troubles. Everything you’ll learn is grounded in scientifically proven principles.

This way, once we say goodbye, you won’t need me again because you’ll be able to steer your relationship away from danger yourself.

3. YOU CONNECT FIRST, COMMUNICATE SECOND

The final way my approach is different is that I focus on connection first and communication second.

Conventional wisdom says that if you can communicate effectively, you’ll feel connected. But my experience shows that if you give a couple communication skills before they are connected, they just have better tools to fight with. Not a good idea.

So, I focus on getting a couple connected first.  In my opinion, this is the biggest reason for my success rate. It’s also why relationship counselors and marriage therapists send their toughest clients to me.

Yes. You and I can work together one-on-one.

I’d prefer if your partner did participate with you and I can help you get them on board, but you can fix your relationship even if your partner won’t participate or is obstinate.

Take comfort that your relationship troubles are not your fault or your partner’s fault. They are caused by the relationship dynamic you unconsciously co-create together.

A relationship is like a see-saw. When one partner moves, the other has to move too. As you begin changing the way you respond in your relationship, so the dynamic between you will change and your partner will begin showing up in the relationship very differently.

Very often an obstinate partner will choose to join us later as a result of seeing first hand how you’re becoming more loving, more secure, and emotionally safe to be around.