I provide a proven, research based alternative to counseling,
so you can improve your relationship or marriage quickly.
Hi, I’m Bruce. I’m a relationship repair expert and the founder of Love At First Fight.
If you’re wondering about how I can help your relationship, here are 9 guiding principles behind all the work that my team and I do.
1. Everything we teach is based on proven scientific research.
When it comes to love (and what makes it work or not work), everyone seems to have a different opinion. I know this from speaking with thousands of people about the intimate details of their relationships.
I have an opinion too, but I promise not to share it with you.
Why? Because you don’t need another opinion, you need results… and fast!
Instead of opinions, I promise to give you solutions to your relationship problems that are grounded in real scientific research (by people a lot smarter than I am) and have been proven to get results for thousands of my students.
2. We have a Methodology and core Curriculum.
Over the years, I’ve developed an effective methodology for helping couples get past their relationship problems.
In its simplest form, the Love At First Fight methodology contains three steps:
- Connect First –Before you talk, make sure you both feel securely connected to each other.
- Communicate Later – Once you’re connected, learn to communicate in a way that keeps you both feeling safe, and only then
- Collaborate – Only then, will you be able to collaborate kindly, resolve your differences and get on the same page.
Mix up the order of these steps and you’ll understand why our divorce rate is 50% and why conventional couples therapy has such a high failure rate.
Over the years, this methodology has grown into the Love At First Fight Core Curriculum which consists of essential insights, understandings, tools and skills that have been proven (over years of testing) to solve almost every kind of relationship problem.
3. We believe that conflict is a normal part of love.
Research tells us that every relationship goes through a difficult time known as the Power Struggle stage. It’s normal and we argue about issues of independence, belonging, and getting our emotional needs met etc.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of couples never make it past the Power Struggle stage and either stay stuck suffering, or break up.
Part of the reason we struggle is because our culture tells us that conflict is bad.
However, statistics have shown us that the #1 predictor of divorce is not conflict – it’s the avoidance of conflict! Who knew?
When you embrace conflict as normal, and learn how to use conflict to fight your relationship patterns instead of fighting each other, you become an invincible team together.
This is how you heal each other and your relationship.
4. Anything that isn’t love is just a misunderstanding.
Given the nature of the work I do, I’ve sat through more conflict than most people will see in 100 lifetimes.
If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that anything that seems not to be love, almost always turns out to be a misunderstanding in the end.
By extension, the things that our partner does that we think of as “bad behavior” are usually just misguided attempts to get their needs met.
So, there is not “bad guy” or “bad girl” in your relationship – only two people without effective ways to get their needs met.
You’ll discover this for yourself as you begin to repair old hurt and get back on the same page with your partner.
5. Dependence is not a dirty word, it’s a fact.
We are all dependent on each other. That’s not my opinion, it’s an undeniable fact.
For example, I’m dependent on the garbage collection guy to remove my garbage. I’m dependent on my supermarket to sell me food.
This doesn’t make me weak; it makes me human.
By the same token, the minute we enter a romantic relationship, we become dependent on our partner. And that’s a good thing if it makes us stronger as a team.
But in our culture, dependence has become a sign of weakness, or has been thrown in the same category as co-dependence (which is actually a term from the addiction recovery movement and does not apply to romantic relationships).
And this puts us in a catch 22 because we can’t meet our relational needs by ourselves, yet we aren’t supposed to ask our partner to meet them for us.
The uncomfortable truth is that when it comes to relational needs, only our partner can meet them for us.
Try meeting your need for sex by yourself and see how that goes?
Try meeting your need for comfort by yourself and see how that goes?
Try meeting your need for touch by yourself and see how that goes?
See what I mean?
At Love At First Fight, dependence is not a dirty word. It’s a fact of life.
I’ll show you how to be dependent in a way that makes you both stronger for it.
6. Trust and integrity are everything.
Without trust, nothing works. Without integrity there is no trust.
That’s why I’m fanatical about doing what I say I’m doing to do, keeping my promises to you and making things right when I make mistakes.
If I think that I can’t help you, I’ll be honest with you about that up front and do my best to refer you to someone who can.
You’re trusting me with the most important and valuable part of your life – your relationship or marriage.
That’s a big deal, and I take that responsibility seriously.
I’m known to go way above and beyond the normal call of duty to make sure that my students get the results that they want.
You see, I’ve been in similar shoes to yours. I know how much relationship struggles can hurt.
I know the loneliness, or sadness, or fear, or anger you might be feeling if you’re in conflict with the person you love most.
If I can help you get past that pain, then I’m doing my bit to make this place a little better for everyone.
Oh, and before you think I’m some selfless monk – I’m not. My payoff is waking up with a purpose and going to bed feeling grateful.
7. Information without “how to” is worthless.
Have you ever read that blog post that advised you to “love yourself” more?
I bet they didn’t tell you how to love yourself more.
So, nothing changes for you because nobody has given you the step-by-step procedure for how to apply what you learned.
When we work together, I promise to take you by the hand and guide you through the “how to” part of mastering the solutions, skills and tools you need to build the relationship you want.
Then, I’ll coach you until you’ve got those skills comfortably under your belt.
8. We sell things.
I’m really proud to make and sell some of the best relationship and marriage programs in the world.
That’s why (last time I counted in 2018) we have 181 typed pages of unsolicited success stories from people who have turned their struggles into love stories.
Selling these programs is how 90% of what you learn from me stays free.
I’m obsessive about producing the best, most useful relationship training programs.
But I can’t do that unless I keep the lights on. So, I’m going to market my awesome paid programs to you.
9. I’m not for everyone.
I take my work seriously, but I try not to myself too seriously.
I take a strong stand for empathy and compassion, but also have an irreverent sense of humor. I’m a straight shooter, and that’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
Sometimes that offends people. If you’re easily offended, it might be useful to remember this:
One day, when you’re on your deathbed thinking back on your life, you probably won’t regret that you weren’t more offended. If you’re like most people, you’ll regret that you didn’t laugh more.