“You never listen to me!”
If I had a penny for each time I heard a client complaining that their partner “never listens”, I’d be a very wealthy man.
It’s usually the wife telling me that their husband needs to learn communication or listening skills, though often the other way round.
The video below will teach you 4 basic listening skills to help you make your partner feel loved, heard and cared for. They’ll work with anyone, not just your relationship partner.
Doors slamming? Sleeping on the couch?
We human beings have a primal need to feel both heard and understood.
This is especially true in romantic relationships.
When you don’t feel heard and understood by your spouse, you’ll struggle to feel important, valued or connected to them…
…and that’s when everyday conversations will erupt into volcanic outbursts that end with doors slamming and one of you sleeping on the couch.
On the other hand, when you do feel heard and understood, you’ll unconsciously think to yourself “They get me.”
I refer to this feeling as being gotten.
When you feel ‘gotten’ by your spouse you begin relating to them as a friend rather than a foe – a critical step on the path to becoming a team together in your relationship.
4 Simple Listening Skills (exercises) that Stop Fights
Have you ever used a walkie-talkie? If you have, you’ll have heard someone saying “…do you copy?” at the end of their sentence.
That phrase is designed to illicit feedback from the other person confirming whether or not they received the message you were sending them.
In face to face conversations however, we don’t directly ask for feedback – we look for non-verbal responses to our words in the other person’s facial expressions, voice tone and body movements.
If you and your partner are struggling to connect and finding that fights don’t get resolved, you’ve probably both stopped being responsive to each other.
There’s a ton of empirical research that suggests that if you and your spouse are not responsive, your marriage or relationship won’t make it.
So how can you be responsive and make your partner feel heard and gotten?
You don’t necessarily have to say much. Often all that is needed is an “Uh huh…” to signal to your partner that you heard them.
To help you become a rock-star listener, the listening skills video (above) will teach you 4 listening skills and exercises that will help ensure your partner feels heard, gotten and loved by you. Watch it. They will love and thank you for it.